I've been thinking a lot about this question, or more specifically, "why are we adopting from Bulgaria", the last couple of days. My husband posted a great post on his blog entitled,
"Why Adoption" and I've been reading a lot of other adoption stories, including following my friend Shadley's upcoming adoption from Ethiopia. She posted a great letter from the director of their program about what is happening in Ethiopia. I think my frustration lately has been my inability to really find out much about Bulgaria. I want to see and feel the need and know we are a part of it. I want to be able to explain this to others.
We knew for a long time that we would be adopting but choosing where to adopt was a lot more difficult for us, namely me. We prayed and sought God's wisdom and call and when Bulgaria openned once again to adoption this summer we definitely felt this is where God was calling us to adopt from. Why now do I oscillate between passionate certainty and feeling shaken by doubt? If you know me well, you know that this can be a pattern in other areas of my life and in my spiritual walk as I seek to know that I am doing everything "right" and in the "best way" (also called perfectionism:)).
My answer to my emotional upheaval came through our pastor, Ryan's, message on Sunday. He spoke on Luke 4-5 and specifically answered the question of why Jesus healed some and not others, why did he perform miracles in some cities and not in others. As he unpacked Jesus' answer to this question, the main thrust was that it was in accordance with "His Sovereign Freedom". We don't serve a God that we can neatly explain. He is Sovereign and He is Free. He does not have to explain himself to us (see Job). We see this in healing and miracles but also in His Sovereignty over salvation. Our God is mysterious, good, gracious, and he doesn't always do what we think he will (or should). My answer came simply that God is God and I am not. His ways are higher than my ways--Isaiah 55:9.
I'm sure I will continue to struggle through days of emotional doubt but my assurance does not lie in my ability to neatly explain why or even point to specific facts. My assurance simply lies in God's call. My answer to "why adopt from Bulgaria" is simply that God in His Sovereignty has choosen a little Bulgarian girl to be grafted into our family. I don't really know where this fits into the grand scheme of things, but I do know that we are called to display His glory and goodness by reaching out to
one and making them our own. This is enough. What an amazing reminder of my own journey into being grafted into God's family. I don't know the reasons and can't neatly explain it, but I am so thankful that He choose to give me new life and make me His own! He is Mysterious and I trust in His Goodness.
Kim